Recently I’ve been asking myself: “why do I to choose to be single”? It felt like a better question than “why don’t I have a girlfriend”
For the last 18 months I’ve been fairly content in a friends with benefits kind of relationship, it clearly has no happily ever after, but there is a deep bond, love, and friendship. I felt this relationship has kept me safe, and stoped me having sex with women who where not right for me, or looking for a relationship out of ‘need’. It also gave me someone to focus my love and attention into, to practice trust, unconditional love and to test if I really had changed my old patterns of jealousy. By being with a woman who I knew did not want anything in return I felt free to love and give more than I ever had before. I’m not sure if this is more to do with wanting what I can not have or if I just felt safe because non of my commitment or guilt issues where triggered (I still have a few of these but it’s getting better). I feel grateful for this dysfunctional relationship, even though I’m not 100% sure I’ve understood everything it had to teach me. Now I’m realising that what I want and what I don’t want are often the same thing and there are so many reasons why I block myself from partnership. Consciously, I’m with my ‘friend-with-benefits’ until I attract my perfect partner but unconsciously I’m sending out the “fuck off” signal depicted in this picture, so she never comes along.
I found the exercise of writing down “why do I choose to be single” really helpful, and now I’m a little clearer on the walking contradiction of a woman that I’d like to manifest.
Just thought I’d share this process, and see who else wants to answer the question “why do I to choose to be single”?
Image credit “Unknown”