I found a blog online the other day about Masculine & Feminine Polarity. Reading it was like reading my book own book, I read her next blog which was about body de-armouring, again it was like reading my own work word for word. So I’m like wow… who is this woman, I should meet her. Turns out she’s a professional Dominatrix who studies Tantra.
After a few moments of shame and guilt, questioning all the images and notions that I reject, I started to look at my judgementalness.
I actively stand for exploring all the parts of ourselves, making the unconscious conscious and our desires healthy. I write about shadow work and encourage others to do it, so although the circumstances are not my ideal I ask myself why I have so much resistance although I’m being shown synchronicity that I would normally follow.
I know that I’m attracted to Feminine women who have a dominate side but NOT to being dominated. There is something about the power that I want to understand, and transform and sublimate in myself, to almost have my Masculine nurtured and fed by this dominate nature as I include it in myself. I guess psychology here is too complex but I see the relations to BDSM, Tantra and Spirituality quite clearly and apply them subtly in my life.
After exchanging a few messages, on an equal basis about her blogs, as I went to sleep my third eye went on some crazy trip, showing me 1000’s of images that I mostly don’t enjoy seeing and vibrationally connecting me to lots of people and energies that I mostly reject.
I was not sure how I felt about it, this act of falling from grace felt like a profound Spiritual experience, and in one sense looking at my shadow just taught me a hell of a lot about how we each create our vibrational reality and how different people come into our lives.
But I did not feel like a good fit for what I just created and the act of trying to explore it felt like it would destroy who I am in this moment.
I guess my final understanding is that the collective consciousness has too many prejudices and conditioning to allow us/me that much freedom to explore our shadow without creating unacceptable circumstances. Looking at the vibrational universe I would need to step into to explore this connection in a way that I maintain my sovereignty felt like a damaging sacrifice, a sacrifice that would effect my work, how the collective reflected my self image back to me and my third eye would close a little.
Maybe I’m too sensitive but the only option I could see is to move my vibration back into alignment with the people and energy that is a better fit for me, my work and the lifestyle I enjoy.
I’m not sure how the Universe is interpreting my desire to more deeply understand myself and my dark side. What I reject, what I feel repulsed by and attracted too at the same time.
It feels life throws a curve ball at me to look even more deeply at my own polarity and shadow. I could try and blame the collective conscious for not containing the experience I need to grow, or the law of attraction for creating more problems than solutions. But I think it’s a process of getting really clear on what I want, and then to attract that, and not just go with all the gifts from the Universe, as at the same time these gifts can be my self-destructive tendencies manifesting in my exterior world. Nothing is good or bad but discerning what is right for me in anyone moment is not always easy
@elliottsaxby
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#bodydearmouring
#energeticbodywork
#kundalinirising
#kundaliniawakening
#selfdevelopment
#sexualenergy
#emotionalrelease
#distanthealing
#kundaliniteacher
#breathworkonline
#shadowwork
Image credit “Unkown”
Quote derived from “Carl Jung”
