I found a blog online the other day about Masculine & Feminine Polarity. Reading it was like reading my book own book, I read her next blog which was about body de-armouring, again it was like reading my own work word for word. So I’m like wow… who is this woman, I should meet her. Turns out she’s a professional Dominatrix who studies Tantra.
After a few moments of shame and guilt, questioning all the images and notions that I reject, I started to look at my judgementalness.
I actively stand for exploring all the parts of ourselves, making the unconscious conscious and our desires healthy. I write about shadow work and encourage others to do it, so although the circumstances are not my ideal I ask myself why I have so much resistance although I’m being shown synchronicity that I would normally follow.
I know that I’m attracted to Feminine women who have a dominate side but NOT to being dominated. There is something about the power that I want to understand, and transform and sublimate in myself, to almost have my Masculine nurtured and fed by this dominate nature as I include it in myself. I guess psychology here is too complex but I see the relations to BDSM, Tantra and Spirituality quite clearly and apply them subtly in my life.
After exchanging a few messages, on an equal basis about her blogs, as I went to sleep my third eye went on some crazy trip, showing me 1000’s of images that I mostly don’t enjoy seeing and vibrationally connecting me to lots of people and energies that I mostly reject.
I was not sure how I felt about it, this act of falling from grace felt like a profound Spiritual experience, and in one sense looking at my shadow just taught me a hell of a lot about how we each create our vibrational reality and how different people come into our lives.
But I did not feel like a good fit for what I just created and the act of trying to explore it felt like it would destroy who I am in this moment.
I guess my final understanding is that the collective consciousness has too many prejudices and conditioning to allow us/me that much freedom to explore our shadow without creating unacceptable circumstances. Looking at the vibrational universe I would need to step into to explore this connection in a way that I maintain my sovereignty felt like a damaging sacrifice, a sacrifice that would effect my work, how the collective reflected my self image back to me and my third eye would close a little.
Maybe I’m too sensitive but the only option I could see is to move my vibration back into alignment with the people and energy that is a better fit for me, my work and the lifestyle I enjoy.
I’m not sure how the Universe is interpreting my desire to more deeply understand myself and my dark side. What I reject, what I feel repulsed by and attracted too at the same time.
It feels life throws a curve ball at me to look even more deeply at my own polarity and shadow. I could try and blame the collective conscious for not containing the experience I need to grow, or the law of attraction for creating more problems than solutions. But I think it’s a process of getting really clear on what I want, and then to attract that, and not just go with all the gifts from the Universe, as at the same time these gifts can be my self-destructive tendencies manifesting in my exterior world. Nothing is good or bad but discerning what is right for me in anyone moment is not always easy
Image credit “Unkown”
Quote derived from “Carl Jung”